MY BIO

When puberty came, it brought along something unexpected, a feminine breast, and the emotions and sensual feelings of this time will live with me forever. I obviously had a hormone inbalance, suddenly my female side was taking over my body.
One day when I was found a pink silk cami in the wash (I have three sisters) and I just couldn't help myself. I pulled it over my head and down my body and felt such wonderful sensations I almost fainted! When I regained my senses, my path was set, I knew deep inside that I am female in nature.
I should point out it was never a sexual thing for me, it was more about feeling "normal" I only felt truly at peace when I was a girl.
These days were some of the best of my life as I hid my secret "extra" and dressed in tight tank tops and off-the-shoulder blouses. I was in heaven! I even had a Boob Tube (I am showing my age now), but it was perfect to show off my new "figure".

This was sadly short-lived, when my father noticed my breast he took me to a doctor (a real quack!) They told me I had to have an operation, I tried to protest, but you could never argue with my father for long. He asked me if I was a man, and I couldn't tell him my true feelings because I would have been out on the street, so I had to lie. (it was always his way, or no way!)
The "doctors" at the hospital performed a partial mastectomy, removing some of the breast tissue and fluid. I was in pain for days, both physically and emotionally, and I have been told by specialists that it was a totally unnecessary operation . I realise now that they only took the physical part, and my spirit has always been feminine, but this has had major consequences in later life. More on that later.

Through my teens I struggled with the boy-girl thing, I loved women, but was shy around them, I never really had the physical urge to overcome my inhibitions. And there was my on-going identity crisis... I found out later that I have lower than normal levels of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH), which produces hormones and sperm. In spite this I have never had problems with sex. Maybe a lack of it from time to time....

During my late teens I went through purges, giving away my clothes to charity shops.
When I was 18 I met my first girlfriend. I lost my virginity at 19, and we were married 6 years later, but my soul was secretly yearning to be feminine, I had told my wife that I was a crossdresser before we were married, but that was the only time we talked about it. It soon became very stifling to live and work only as a man. About three years into the marriage I cried ENOUGH!, and Rene came marching back out of the closet! I went out for a midnight stroll,(as you do!) and just my luck, my wife caught me! She handled it very well, she was more concerned for my safety out in the street, but it was swept under the carpet, yet again! Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, though not because of my "femme side"

Three years after the breakup, i was diagnosed with testicular cancer. The teste was removed, and I have come through OK, (with radiation therapy) and have had the all-clear 5 years since.. I have taken finasteride, (a.k.a. Propecia / Regain) a drug to stop hair loss, and promote head-hair re-growth, however after my cancer the hair loss seemewd to stop.

AND NOW?
I live inmy new home by Sydney harbour.
I go for walks in the neighbourhood, and clubs and bars, my favourite is Gilligans (aka Oxford St Coctail bar), I also go to the Taxi Club, a club in Sydney for transgenders.
 
I must say that I am not attracted to men, I love women! I don't like using labels but does that make me a lesbian? I still work as a man, I am a successful businessperson, and this gives me the income to indulge in my shopping addiction. My wardrobe is one that most girls would envy, with long flowing wigs, silk lingerie, and sexy dresses.

AND THE FUTURE?
Who knows what the future holds? I was approved for M-F transition in Oct 97, and started a full course of female hormones, but I stopped after a few months. It was the most wonderful time and it felt right, however one breast did not develop at all (a legacy of my child-hood operation) and the hormones effected my energy levels and my work suffered. I can't afford to stop working now, I run a small business, and though I could easily transition in the workplace, inevitably it would effect the business. I still have a lot of thinking to do.

I would love to hear from `girls like me' or anyone who is interested in me or my story, so drop me a note!
hugs René

rene_sydney@hotmail.com